none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
