porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
