Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
