please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
