Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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