He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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