I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Are we still banned from the library?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
