If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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