Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
