i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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