No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
