your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
from now on my penis is your penis
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
