weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
