Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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