you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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