I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
