Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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