My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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