Only a mothe r could love this liver
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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