ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
