Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
