I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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