you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She bit a glass in half.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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