She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
