I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
