The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
