I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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