So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
