My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
