I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
