he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
