True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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