I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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