did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
