is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
