I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
