this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
