You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
