when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
