I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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