I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
