im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
