PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
