You just made me feel so damn special
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
