...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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