There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
