I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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