So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
