Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
