i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
