I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
