I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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